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Simply Being: My Unfolding Through Tantra

Updated: Aug 21, 2018



Tantra for me has not been the journey I expected - it has been a shedding - a shedding of skins that I had accumulated from my life in the world thus far- my woundings and practicalities, how I thought I needed to be to fit in with the world.


When I first came to a tantra event- I felt like a bit of the odd one out. My relationship with my own sexuality has always been tumultuous and fraught - I was violently sexually abused as a child. I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable and at ease in a space where I was called to be with this discomfort in myself, in the presence of others who may feel more at ease or ‘practiced’ than me.


What I found though, in a loving and well held tantra space, was a place to unwrite the stories my trauma and bumps and bruises had written over my essence, my soul expression, my absolute enoughness in this moment. A place to meet, and yes feel my perceived inadequacy in the face of another, and then to see deeper into myself and them, to a place where inadequacy is just a word that starts with I and ends in Y and doesn’t really do much else. And then to feel me, and to feel them, being present with each other in that moment in a place where words don’t live.


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These are the moments in tantra that have helped me to shed each layer after layer of not enoughness or fear in the face of connection and intimacy. And to realise that a lot of us experience some version of not enoughness or fear, or need, or aversion, or searching, or vulnerability, and that that’s ok, and valid, and welcome in a tantra space. Because tantra is about humaness. And we are beautiful sacred humans.


I’ve also experienced great joy, and lightness and ease of being in tantric space- the flow and connection that comes from having dropped into our bodies, and acting from a place of deep authenticity and love. The joy of being here, now, together, this moment, me, us. Inclusive of all of who we are. Connected. Seen.


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But, to be honest, probably the thing that I almost grateful to my tantric journey for, is the permission to be my own unique self. As I shed the layers of pain and covering, and forgave my own sexual, feminine nature for all the pain and hurt I believed it had called in from men, I started to soften into these natural parts of myself again, and I have found that they hold great joy and power for me.


Everyone’s natural flavour of being is beautifully different and unique, and tantra celebrates each and every individual expression in it’s fullness.


My own natural embodiment is one of deep and simple beingness. I don’t feel naturally called to teach in a traditional sense, or explain things so much with words. In the past I had always valued my capacity to do much more than my capacity to be, but as I continued on my tantra journey I came to feel my innate call to be. As I shed more and more layers, a natural beingness of expression and embodiment just naturally emerged within me, kind of like a rocky mountain peak when the ice finally melts after a long snowy winter.


My natural expression, the place where I feel most at home and in my natural gifts is now dancing, singing, feeling and simply being. Tantra has provided a permissive and loving space to explore more of this beingness of myself in a loving environment, to forgive this part of myself; to see it as enough, and to let it thrive and flourish within me, and in connection with others.


As I have done this, my natural, most joyful expression has spread out more and more into all areas of my life. When I hold workshops, I bring my gifts of lightness, joy, expression and simply being - and I let that be enough. In my relationship with my partner, my beingness is acknowledged as what I bring, and my gift. In all my work, creativity and collaborations, my beingness is now the fire that drives my life.


For me Tantra has given, and continues to give me the space to be simply enough. As I am.


Enough in my beingness. Enough sexually where I am right now, even though I am not, in one sense, fully healed from all my sexual trauma. Enough, underneath the layers of reaching and showing and proving, that I had accumulated from years of striving to be good enough. Enough, in this moment, with you.


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And as I have, again and again, dropped into well held tantra spaces, I have shed enough layers to find that there is nothing in the world to fit into, there is only myself to be.


And that to share that in connection with others who are also coming home to their innate enoughness in whatever flavour and expression they truly are, is my greatest joy.