Why spiritual compatibility is the key to deeply fulfilling sex & relationships

What makes sex & relationships truly fulfilling?

And why do some relationships and interactions seem to tick the boxes on the surface, but on a deeper level never feel quite right? The answers to these questions can be understood by looking at the 4 key areas of compatibility in relationships and intimacy.

These are Sexual, Emotional, Mental & Spiritual compatibility. ......

Sexual compatibility is about the balance & harmony of your sexual and creative energies, desires, and masculine/feminine polarities.

The more sexually compatible you are with someone, the more in general you will experience sexual attraction, and the desire to be sexually intimate or creatively collaborative together. Other factors can of course influence this, but your overall sexual compatibility lays the foundation.

When your sexual energies are quite compatible with someone, but you are not so compatible in other areas, it can translate into a sense of sexual attraction that means that sex could possibly be fun in the right circumstances, but a relationship would not really be workable.


Emotional compatibility is about your emotional climate and maturity.

When you are emotionally compatible it means that relating will leave you feeling emotionally comfortable and fulfilled, and connected on an emotional level.

It is not about being the same emotionally, but more about being a compatible balance. Quite often someone who is more open and intense emotionally will be drawn to someone who is more calm/closed or serene and vice versa, as 'warmer' and 'cooler' emotional states naturally balance and work together.

It's also quite common for one person in a relationship to be more emotionally shut-down, and one person to be more open hearted and connected to their feelings, but if it becomes too out of balance then things won't work. For things to be sustainable there needs to be alignment in how people are willing to grow emotionally and open their connection together.


Mental compatibility is about the way you think, understand and communicate.

Being more mentally compatible means you are able to understand each others ideas, communicate concepts, work through misunderstandings, and make decisions together with ease.

Once again, there is not a need for two people to be exactly the same in this level or area. Only for there to be enough compatibility to be able to communicate effectively and lovingly about the things that are important.

Some people are so compatible that they are constantly thinking the same things and finishing each other's sentences. Others will have completely different ways of thinking about things, but find a common place of meeting where all the important things are communicated effectively.


Spiritual compatibility is about your broader sense of self, your core values, your life purpose, and the framework in which you make the key decisions in life.

Spiritual compatibility becomes more important the deeper and closer a relationship is, and the more aligned you become within yourself.

An aligned sense of purpose and meaning of life is important for growing together in the longer term. For even if you have a similar sense of values, if your deeper sense of purpose or direction is different then that may mean you're actually heading in different directions.

When you are spiritually compatible with someone, you will feel the interactions nourishing you spiritually, helping you grow more fully into yourself, and supporting your deeper understanding of yourself and your purpose. ......... Initially many people will treat sexual, emotional, and mental compatibility as being important in relationships, but not pay as much attention to spiritual compatibility. One of the reasons for this is because often when we initially start having intimate relationships and sexual connections with people, we create these connections from a place of not feeling whole within ourselves, on a physical, sexual, emotional or mental level. And so the primary motivation of our relationships and sexual connections is often to feel validated, completed, or engaged on these levels, in a sense soothing the spiritual wounds or feelings of incompleteness we hold within our consciousness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but as you heal and create a sense of wholeness within yourself, the sort of relationships and connections which may have at first felt satisfying to you now start to feel sort of hollow or incomplete. And this is often because what’s happened within people is now that they’ve addressed many of their physical, sexual and emotional needs, what’s actually becoming more important are their spiritual needs. And if someone’s needs for spiritual connection are not addressed in intimacy or relationship, then that connection will lose excitement or passion, or it will feel like something is missing from the start. ……. If this is happening, it means it’s probably time to start looking at what sort of spiritual alignment and compatibility you actually want from your partners. Because it’s when we are truly spiritual compatible with our partners that the deepest gifts and benefits of relationships can be received. We can experience every moment of love & intimacy as an honouring of our soul & spirit, of our deepest heart and deepest purpose, as well as of our body, personality and mind. And as you heal and grow within yourself, you start to become more and more sensitive to how spiritual alignment with someone affects every aspect of your interactions and relationship. Without spiritual compatibility you may still be able to have pleasurable sex.

But when spiritual compatibility is really there, good sex can turn into mind blowing, transcendent or deeply healing sex which touches your soul and transforms your whole being. Without spiritual compatibility you may feel emotionally connected or loved with someone.

But with a deep level of spiritual compatibility you can feel emotionally and energetically connected on a whole other level, where the love and feelings you share nourish and support you to be your fullest selves in the world, and connect your hearts on the deepest level. And without spiritual compatibility you could enjoy having a conversation within someone, or enjoy how they look physically.

But when you are truly spiritually compatible with someone their whole being can inspire and enliven you, and you can feel their body as a vehicle for love and passion that is far more beautiful than looking at things on just the physical level can ever be. ……. Tantra is really about bringing these deeper levels of spiritual compatibility to every moment of our relationships and sexuality. It is not about disregarding or leaving out the body, emotions, or our sexuality, like some teachings of spirituality or meditation have advocated, but about integrating them with the spiritual essence of who we are. And from this integration of body, heart, mind & spirit, we can open to these deep spiritual experiences in every moment, and allow our relationships and sexuality to be a spiritual tool as well as a physical experience. This is one reason why we believe an authentic approach to tantra should be about integrating the spiritual aspects of who we are with our physical beings, and not only focused on the physical and energetic techniques of sex, which some modern tantra has been reduced to. And it’s when we truly listen to our spiritual needs, as well as our physical, emotional, and sexual needs that we can find true harmony and fulfilment in our sexuality and relationships, because as long as we ignore the spiritual part of ourselves, something will always be missing. Our passion for teaching tantra is really to share just how deeply blissful and beautiful our sexual & relationship experiences can be when we start to understand how every interaction is not only just a physical connection, but a spiritual connection as well.