Why Tantra holds the keys to fulfilling sex and relationships - And a deeply fulfilled life.

Updated: Feb 26, 2019

These days more than ever, there’s endless ideas and advice going around on how to have happy relationships, better sex, and a life that feels deeply fulfilled. Many of these ideas may be useful and helpful, and are a reflection of how humanity is waking up to the deeper truths of who we are:

“Learn to have good boundaries!”

“Communicate clearly!"

“Embrace your masculine & feminine!”

“Listen to your body & feelings!”

“Know your worth!”

“Honour your pain & trauma.” “Be comfortable in your sexuality” “Be authentic!”

However there’s also a lot of confusion in people as to how to actually put these various ideas and principles into practice. And not so much clarity on how to make them actually work for you. Especially in the area of intimate relationships, where our challenges and reflections of our patterns are reflected most intensely. And so while people often understand many of these ideas in theory, people often become overwhelmed or experience difficulty when trying to apply them. This often results in people feeling discouraged or disempowered when it comes to intimate relationships, or having almost given up all together. I’ve spoken to many people that have done years of self-analysis, personal & spiritual development, and transformation work, but still feel quite lost when it comes to actually create a fulfilling and intimate sexual life. This is very common. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Because when you understand how to integrate all the spiritual, physical, sexual and emotional aspects of yourself in relationships and intimacy, the whole process of aligning with fulfilling spiritual connection can become much easier and more joyful. This is what Tantra provides in a holistic and integrated way. Stemming from thousand year old traditions, Tantra can offer us a clear way understand and experience how we can truly bring all parts our being together in divine connection with ourselves, and in divine connection with others.

What is Tantra anyway?

Historically, Tantra refers to Hindu and Buddhist traditions that developed more than 1500 years ago, incorporating the body and sexuality into systems of practice for spiritual enlightenment and liberation. These systems were in contrast to other monastic systems that tended to advocate ascetic renunciation of sexuality and the body as the path to the divine. So rather than needing to renounce sex, renounce relationship, and renounce life to connect with the divine, Tantra showed how the divine could be discovered within every moment of life and physical reality, and how a physical life of work and family could be lived in a divine way. The word Tantra has become more well-known in modern Western Society over the last 50-100 years, as various people taught aspects of these ancient traditions in modernised forms, which have been sometimes referred to as “Neo-Tantra.” Often these modernised interpretations of Tantra have emphasised the sexual aspects of the practice, as an antidote to the sexually repressed spiritual traditions of conservative religions. And some of what has been taught and referred to as Tantra might hardly resemble traditional Tantra at all, as it become more focused on sexual pleasure than the original essence of spiritual liberation. While this interpretation of Tantra may be fun, it is often missing the deeper spiritual benefits and truths that come from the practice. Yet what has remained in more holistic teachings is the understanding that every aspect of our being; physical, energetic, and spiritual is a vital part of the whole of who we are. And the knowing that the deepest love and bliss in life and relationships comes from integrating our spiritual, sexual and physical selves, rather separating them. It is this holistic and integrated approach to Tantra that has brought us great love, joy and connection in our lives, and made the realm of spiritual relationships and sexuality a beautiful and empowering experience.

Allowing Clarity to Replace Confusion

There’s so many places in relationships and sexuality where people get confused or feel challenged, because relationships mirror what we feel about ourselves.

  • “What do I really want?”

  • “Can I really have what I most deeply desire?”

  • “How do I get what I want?”

  • “Why do I create painful or difficult situations?”

  • “Should I stay and work on this relationship, or leave for something better?”

  • “If I have what I want emotionally, how do I get fulfilment sexually? Or vice versa?”

  • “How can relationships and sexuality be a deeply fulfilling and blissful experience?”

  • “How can I be free of old pains and relationship patterns of the past?

Tantra can make answering all these questions much easier and simpler, because it starts with an understanding of what all humans truly want and are yearning for on a deep and spiritual level. We all want to feel connected, loved and authentic. Not just on an emotional level, but on a spiritual, physical and sexual level as well. Tantric practice starts by showing us this is not only something that’s possible, but something that can be consciously worked towards by taking steps towards total self-love, self acceptance and spiritual integration. And by taking these steps with a holistic view of our being, we naturally arrive at the answer for any question or difficulty that arises. For no part of us ignored. Every part of us integrated into the whole.

A holistic practice of Tantra should have no blind-spots - spiritually, emotionally or physically. And therefore if a challenge is calling for a spiritual solution, it can be found in a tantric framework. If a challenge is asking for an emotional, energetic, or sexual solution, it can be found in a tantric framework. The simplicity comes from seeing it all as part of the divine whole. Ultimately Tantra allows us to experience who we are as aspects of the one great love. The one great energy that is spirit, that is sex, that is life itself. And it is when we can start to see and feel ourselves from this perspective that things can become simple. Until we are open to this, something will always be missing.

Finding Solutions, Bliss, and Peace within the Body

“I’m not feeling connected to my partner or to myself” - “My experiences of pleasure or emotion are shut down.” - “I don’t feel connected to spirit or the divine.” People have often looked for the answer to these sorts of challenges in the mind, in psychology, in prayer, or meditation. Sometimes answers to our questions and challenges can indeed be found through self-analysis or spiritual contemplation. But often the answers we find are only a half or a portion of the total solution.

This is because the deeper answers, solutions and experience we seek occur not only in the mind or spirit, but in our physical bodies and energy systems. And while modern psychology and more ascetic or disembodied spiritual practices have for different reasons avoided the deeper wisdom and truth that’s found in the body, Tantra offers deep wisdom and expertise in listening to the body as more than just a physical machine, but as a spiritual and energetic vessel and structure. Tantra is perhaps one of the ultimate traditions of understanding what your body is really saying to you, and knowing how to work with your body to heal, transform and open to love in the most effective way. Yes, more mind based therapy and practice can certainly be helpful and effective. But our deepest patterns and blocks often need to worked with through the body as well if wish to open to our fullest potential as humans.

Experience Your Full Potential for Love

Falling in love with someone can be a beautiful thing. The sense of connection, appreciation and warmth you can find with another can be one of the most delicious experience of live. Enjoying a great sexual connection can also be very beautiful. When you’re truly compatible with someone sexually it can not only very pleasurable, but also healing, energising and empowering when the connection with someone is good. Experiencing connection with spirit, God, or the divine can be beautiful. In moments when you’re acknowledging or feeling the greater love that is all around us, the spirit that is in all things, it’s possible to experience utter peace and bliss. Yet when all these aspects of love can be experienced together and integrated together, we realise that the possibilities and levels of love we can experience and embody can reach whole other levels and dimensions. This integration of love, sexuality and spirit can feel like coming home. Coming home to the love that is natural within you. Coming home to what it really means to be human. And this is what it was like for me when I started on my Tantric path. It was like coming home to a knowing of love within me that somewhere I’d always remembered was possible, but that my mind had forgotten in the midst of what society expects is normal. Before Tantra, I’d been in love. I’d had some good sex. And I’d had some beautiful moments of feeling re-connected to spirit, and awakening to the divine that is within me and everywhere. Yet Tantra showed me how it was possible not only to experience all these things together, but how each form of love actually expanded and enhanced the others, leading to true experiences of love permeating my whole being, not just existing on only and emotional or spiritual level. Tantra also filled in the missing pieces in my existing practices and approaches of spirituality and healing. Before discovering Tantra, I’d already developed an expertise in analysing relationships and in the psychological side of love. But Tantra showed me how to actually translate this love into the physical reality of relationships. The reality emotions. The physical reality of sex and sexual desire.

Enjoy the Deeply Loving and Rewarding Path

Tantra holds some very simple and effective truths and techniques. Yet to really reap the greatest rewards, and experience the full spiritual possibilities of Tantra, it is not a one-time fix. Tantra is a deep and rewarding path of self-discovery, self-empowerment, self-expansion, and self-connection, where continued engagement creates benefits and transformations in every area of life.

  • Your relationships will become more aligned and fulfilling, as you become more aligned within yourself.

  • Sexuality will become a more beautiful, pleasurable, authentic and blissful experience, as you allow all your natural energies to become open and engaged.

  • In the longer term your health and overall well-being will improve, as life-force energy flows and moves within you in ways where previously it may have stagnated or become blocked.

  • And you will experience the divine not just in moments of meditation or prayer, but in every moment of engagement with the physical world.

Some of the physical potentials of Tantric Practice such as greater sensitivity, multiple-orgasm for men & women, and full-body energetic orgasm, can sound sexy and attractive. Yet the overall benefits are far greater than just this sexual focus. Tantra is a path and practice of opening to love on every level, within you around you. Of experiencing love within your heart. Love within your body. Love within your spirit. Tantra opens your being to the fullest levels of love in relationship with others, and to the greatest divine love with yourself and with all that is. If this fullness of love is what you have been yearning or searching for in life, then starting on a path of Tantra can bring you all you’ve been looking for and more. Whether your in relationship or not makes no difference. Tantra is primarily about your relationship with yourself, and as this develops and expands, so your relationships with others come into harmony and alignment. If you’re interested in Tantra, find a teacher or teachers that feel right for you.

Not all Tantra teachers teach with the same depth or connection to love. Yet with a holistic and integrated approach, Tantra will bring out the very best in you, opening your heart to great love, you body to greater joy and bliss, your relationships to deeper connection, and your whole life and being to a fuller experience of the authenticity and true unconditional love for all of who you are.